


I'm so tired

by scorpio_rat



Category: Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: Angst, Anxiety, Anxiety Attacks, Depression, Eating Disorder Not Otherwise Specified, Eating Disorders, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Other, Panic Attacks, Suicidal Thoughts, Yang Jeongin | I.N-centric
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-17
Updated: 2020-11-17
Packaged: 2021-03-10 07:48:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 740
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27609932
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/scorpio_rat/pseuds/scorpio_rat
Summary: Jeongin's hurting a lot
Kudos: 56





	I'm so tired

**Author's Note:**

> this contains very triggering content, please make sure to read the tags and please try your best to stay safe, I love you so much <3  
> this is just me projecting onto Jeongin instead of doing other harmful things, ao3 has definitely become somewhere really safe for me. I'm staying safe <3

Jeongin was so tired  
-  
his head pounded as he sat in the darkness of his and Felix's room, he wanted it to stop but he knew it wouldn't until he stopped crying  
but the tears that had been falling down his face for at least half an hour seemed to have other plans.

he knew that in situations like this he should go get Chan who he knew would be awake at this hour, it was only two in the morning and Chan usually stayed up til at least three am. he would usually just climb into Felix's bed when his head was too loud but he had traveled back to Australia for the weekend.

and so he sat there all alone

he felt alone too, alone and in pain. the pain in his chest wouldn't leave  
it made its place deeply inside of him years ago and had never truly left, with the exception of when he would create small lines of dotted blood on himself. the little box of blades he knew he had kept for emergency situations like this was stashed under his bed in a box, it had been untouched ever since he moved into the dorm with everyone else though so it was most likely covered in a layer of dust.

usually being around the people he considered himself closest too was enough of a distraction to keep him from even thinking about it for the most part,  
but the urges never really left, he just had no reason to do it.

but he had no energy to get up to get it, and so he only cried harder when his thoughts got louder and louder

"you're so lazy"  
"you're too big, loose some weight"  
"you're such a coward"  
"stray kids would be better without you in it"  
"you drag everyone else down"  
"noone even wants you here"

"just die already"

he pulled on his hair, just wanting everything to stop

his mind went to the pills stored in the medicine cabinet in the bathroom, he was sure he would die if he took enough of them.

"DO IT!" his mind yelled at him

he shook his head and whispered "be quiet.. please" in a shaky voice

but it wouldn't listen

he knew that if he laid down he would fall asleep eventually, and he knew that tomorrow would feel better.  
but it was hurting him so badly

he needed it to stop, it was all becoming too much and it had to stop.

so he got up on shaky legs and quietly made his way to the bathroom, making sure there was no Chan in sight.

but just before he could close the door behind him he heard a soft "Jeongin? why are you still awake?" and for some reason he let the door fall from his hands and hit the wall with a soft knock  
and he just stood there facing Chan, in all his vulnerability 

Chan's eyes opened widely before his face fell into a soft smile and before Jeongin knew it big arms were wrapped around him and suddenly he was crying again.  
he let out loud sobs, each breaking a piece of Chan's heart. 

"it's going to be okay" he whispered when Jeongin had calmed down a bit  
"come let's sit down and talk" Chan said leading them to the couches in the living room

"does it hurt anywhere?" he asked him  
and Jeongin pointed to his chest, and then to his head  
"I see" he said, nodding understandably, "I'm going to ask you a bit of a hard question, okay?" he then said  
Jeongin nodded

"were you going to make everything go away? with the pills in the bathroom cabinet?"  
he paused for a moment before nodding again, fresh tears falling fast down his cheeks  
"oh Jeongin.." Chan said, pulling him into his arms once again  
"we can talk more about it tomorrow, I bet you're tired, I'm going to stay with you tonight and every night til you're safe. I care about you so much, as does everyone else in this dorm, I know none of us would hesitate to drop everything in our hands to help you"  
Jeongin only hugged Chan tighter with a painful look on his face  
and soon he was asleep on his chest

he was alive, that was the most important thing.

they could figure the rest of it out in the morning.


End file.
